Dear Love ,

I have read your letter from up here. It’s truthful in its entirety and as I keep fighting the tears let me start by saying that I know how you feel. In as much as pain is not allowed up here, there’s a deep abyss which didn’t exist while I was there.

💔It breaks my heart to see you cry. The fears that you have buried deep in your heart I can access them. I see.. I feel the emptiness that lies inside that beautiful soul. I see the immense hurt you have undergone… I see the dreams that have been shattered..

😔Sometimes I wish roles would be reversed.
That at least would be fair. I was stronger emotionally meaning I would take the pain that you are currently feeling. I would try not to tear apart as you were the fiber that held me together but at least I would manage the hurting. But that would be unfair to your family which loves you to the moon and back. I wouldn’t take that away from them.

💯You were always the better human, the clearer soul, the purest of all. You were the optimist. The one who preferred to concentrate on the light in people other than their demons. You saw through my shame and arrogance, my mistakes and faults, my iniquities and vulnerabilities… In an unmatched wisdom, you saw that I needed an anchor… You were that person. The ever-smiling girl.

Through your imperfections, I saw a flawless girl who I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with.

👌What we had wasn’t perfect. I know that. But we learned through our quarrels. We tried to perfect our faulty traits because we knew that we could. We wanted to be better for each other. What makes me smile when I remember our fights is that we always hugged immediately after because we knew our fights wouldn’t break us.

👫Besides being in a relationship, we were friends. Our friendship came first. That’s the reason we could talk hours with no end. Despite having different tastes in so many things, we always found a compromise, a common ground. I started watching BMJ just so I could have your head on my chest as we caught up on the latest episode.

Do you remember that Summer trip to upcountry to see my grandparents? That was the best road trip I ever had. It was just you, I, lots of music and an entire 386 Miles by ourselves for ourselves. On arrival, grandma kept us up late but still refused for us to spend the night together. She wanted you to be by her side all along. I remember the evening breeze as we listened to her telling us about mum’s character as she grew up.

The feeling I had as I watched you laughing at her jokes has been with me since then. You looked glorious as the embers of the fire illuminated your skin.

I remember the cold you had, it passed after 6 hours of you taking the herbs. The look on your face as you swallowed the concoction is still engraved in my mind…

You should go and see her sometime.. grandma I mean… I know you might cry together but I know she would appreciate your presence…

I miss you…💞

You don’t deserve to be undergoing so much heartache. Up to now I still don’t think I deserved you, your tenderness nor your compassion. You were too good to be mine…

I see the tears, I feel the pain… Your pain… I love you too. I always will. The angels keep asking what’s wrong but when they see it’s you I am looking down at they understand.

I want you to be okay. I want you to regain the smile that you’ve let go. I want you to start living again.

I know you feel guilty for starting to forget the little things.. You say you are forgetting my face… I understand that. I am sure you will never forget how I always made you feel. I know you wish you would just let it all go and join me but I don’t want that for you.

😪I saw you at my burial. As you sat with my mum and grandma on either of your sides. You looked pale. You had cried too much. You almost gave up during the days that preceded my burial. The suffering was too much. You had lost a soulmate, a friend, a confidant, and your happiness. You had lost too much in just a few minutes.

🙃Life is for the living. I will always watch over you as long as you promise me you will choose happiness all over again. I know is selfish but I don’t want you to get over me soon. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be happy. Remember my stupid jokes and try to smile. Laugh even…

💫I think you should resume your studies. I won’t be there to help you with assignments and mind cracking questions but I will always speak to your gut. I will watch over you as you stay late for the late submission.

I will be here as you’ve asked. I already petitioned God as per your letter, for him to let me be your guardian angel so I am not going anywhere. Wherever you are I will be by your side.

💪I know this letter will catch you as a surprise but I want to let you know that nothing is impossible. I can feel your emotions as well as respond to your fears. I might not be in your presence but I will camp in your spirit from this day going forward.

You always said that forever is not enough time to spend together and I agree.

I miss your smile. Try to get it back.🙏

By Yours Truly Ken Musings


The authorKen

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